by JONAH BAKER March 6, 2017
President Trump, apparently en route to China late last night, sent a series of tweets about an Acupuncture scandal that have since been deleted. We were able to screen grab this one before it disappeared.
The President doubled down on the healing narrative in a statement this morning. Trump, with some effort, read a note written by his “tiny doctor.”
“I’m going to read a permission note. ‘We gave the President a five-element aggressive acupuncture treatment. Cleared blocks and borders. Had to tie him down. After yells and tears, he realized “The Wall” is a metaphor for the wall around his heart. Policies reflect pathologies. I give Donnie permission to bring his cabinet in a healing circle of vulnerability and release all fear ideologies. I prescribe love to conquer hate and enemas for his large intestine to release self-loathing and TV dinners from 1980s.'”
Trump finished in his own words. “Hourly coffee enemas. Dancing with yoga people. Donnie says, Let them Choose. Totally femtastic.”
Trump started laughing wildly. “I could be an Enlightened Guru in Chief.” The tears returned and after a group hug he said. “I am back to being just little Donnie. I was such a determined c*#&sucker.” He ended in the restroom for his 5th release this morning.
He wrote this poem, from his inner President, “Little Donnie”:
No Walls
by Little Donnie
One country. No borders, no walls.
No more blocks, except for little Donnie to play with.
Bans could give someone a heart attack.
I am a Muslim, I am transgender, I am a Russian citizen.
Who am I? Just Little Donnie, Little pink-toed Donnie.
Breath, Little Donnie, Breath.
Spiritual leaders around the world were amazed at how enlightened Trump sounded. However, he was reading off a piece of paper. It could have said anything.
