Unhinged Airlines, banking on the publicity of their recent mauling of a passenger, is offering an express “gimp service” and other perks. As part of their new publicity and stock-reduction program, the CEO took to cursing the man out and blaming the victim. “This country is in the business of beating people up and denying service to immigrants and Muslims. Doctors? Healthcare? Who gives a *$&$ ?”
Fueled by the soft-fascist policies of the current administration, the militarization of the police, and the removal of all restraints on corporations, the airline went off the deep end. “Our staff will bump people off flights, literally. We’ll be carrying whips, chains, and cattle prods on board. Once we’re in the air, there is no safe word. This is going to be awesome. It’s open season on the American people.”
Given the lack of competition, Unhinged felt they have nothing to worry about. “Who they going to fly with? Other airlines will soon be doing the same. Turbulence will be encouraged by the pilots. People will be ejected from their seats during flight with a spring-loaded, randomized contraption.”
The airline will still not be allowing teen girls to wear leggings on board. “We find that too stimulating,” the CEO admitted.
