by JONAH BAKER 4/21/2017
Pyongyang, North Korea. Trump has named Dennis Rodman as the new Ambassador to North Korea, but the reason why may surprise you. “It’s his leaping ability. He’s going to act as Ambassador, sure, but also as a one-man missile defense system. I mean, if we’re going to play nuclears with the bombs and that, we need the absolute best, I guarantee he can block anything North Korea can throw at us.”
While Rodman has called for peace talks with North Korea, but will he prevail over Trump who needs a distraction from Russia-Gate? Rodman endorsed Trump, had a romance with Madonna, and loved to beat people up while winning championships with the Chicago Bulls and Detroit Pistons. He also wore a dress when he married himself, so we can look forward to more colorful nuclear weapons, with piercings, in future.
Rodman’s friendship with North Korean Leader Kim Jung-un made him ideal for the position. Trump and others in his administration have pivoted to a celebratory, gambling approach to the possibility of nuclear conflict. “We want to stretch Rodman’s arms, and the, like, massive danger of nuclear bombs hitting Japan and places like that, to the edge. This is going to rock,” commented young Barron Trump, who has secured the online gaming rights to any nuclear wars, and already has the domain name “WorldWarTrump.com”.
Meanwhile, the world stands on edge as Trump, Pence, and company continue to threaten military action against North Korea, without any clear path that does not involve the high risk of millions of civilian deaths.
“I’m not concerned,” Trump said from the course at Mar-A-Lago, where Rodman joined him in a celebratory dance covered in bear fat. The two were seen cruising on a missile at an undisclosed naval base during discussions. “The man still has it — he can rebound like anything. How big are the booms from this nuclear thingy?” Trump asked as he speared a shrimp cocktail.
