by JONAH BAKER
President Trump announced via parable-tweet that all further communication, either to or from the White House, will end in the prayer word Covfefe.
Covfefe is an acronym: “Cars Or Very Fast Elephants Fast Elephants”, from a book Trump read when he was a small president. Inspired in the middle of the night, he his best legal defense is to become recognized as the elephant deity Ganesh. As a means of answering all future charges, he will use the word Covfefe as a prayer, meaning something like, “Praise Lord Trump, like a fast car or gold hotel room. Like the Grand Elephant of the Republican Religion”
All questions from the press or jokes related to the President will now end with covfefe. Asked if there’s any conflict with Christianity and this Hindu deity, or if this will effect his policy on Muslim immigrants, he said simply, “Covfefe.”
