BY JONAH BAKER
BOWELS, EARTH. Steve Bannon, murmuring “blood and soil” to himself, took the first shovelful of soil for the expansion of the Trump Crypt. In a quiet ceremony, Bannon took well to his new work.
“So many casualties of the Trump administration: Flynn, Scaramucci, Comey… civil rights, justice, decency. Yes, we’ve done good work. Now its time to bury the dead and celebrate with a little bit of the old skull and bones,” Steve is rumored to have said to his intern, a 17 year old “white supremacist” named Dick, who likes hip hop and tiki torches.
The Crypt will serve as the Presidential Library and demonic rites center.
A number of Fortune 500 companies, as well as the Koch brothers, were jostling to get their names associated with the Crypt. Bannon explained as he lifted up the dry soil that has been imported from the “old country” in coffins, “Forgive me for waxing poetic, but skeletons — they are truly white — and this crypt is going to celebrate all that’s dead in Trump’s America.”
