by Jonah Baker
WASHINGTON, D.C. Trump sent an undisclosed package to Santa’s helper Bobbi Shaw, with a written-out tweet card, sending holiday markets into a tailspin: “Does the President have the authority to replace Santa Claus?”
The President claims that mistreatment of asylum-seeking children, restrictions on healthcare and other rights, federal workers loss of pay, low wages and a nose-diving market, upticks in hate crimes, as well as other seeds of chaos sown by the GOP have little to do with the lull in cheer this holiday season. “It’s that damn beard. Food trap. Very sad. No more cookies for him,” Trump tweeted from the White House communications room, a secured toilet near the televisions and game center. He wants the Supreme Court to decide if separation of church and state require him to stay out of Santa’s workshop.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied that this was a coverup with any payoffs to Santa’s helper Bobbi Shaw. “Yes, the President did see an old movie, and might have thought it was about Santa. I am only willing to answer more questions in exchange for immunity and a book deal.”
A person within the administration, not wanting to reveal their identity for fear of repercussions said, “I don’t want him giving so many gifts to these actresses. He has the belly for Santa, but where is the heart ? Christmas giving begins at home, with a new mink comforter, getting rid of all these dirty immigrants, and a traditional Potica cake from my native Slovenia.”
