by JONAH BAKER March 11, 2017
Under a full moon, costumed revelers at the new administrations first Purim gathering were surprised to see a bit of fist-to-cuffs between the bad-boy President and his homeboy Haman, Stevie. His daughter, Esther Trump, later explained that the fight was over longing for a very sexy cookie. In a drunken moment of candor, the men sang a co-tweet, which unfortunately was not recorded, but went something like, “The cookie. So delicious, so dark inside. Best cookie ever. Too sweet. My mouth is huge. I eat your cookie.”
Rabbinical scholars were confused over the symbolism. “Which one of them is Haman? Is there an Esther in the picture, or are they just saying what we want to hear? Where’s the wine, I need a drink.” We lost track of which Rabbi said this in the mad revelries and dancing. Could have been a Sean Spicer dressed as a Rabbi.
After the two men sang, they fought over just whose cookie it was. Othello and Iago might have tangoed in the same style. Crumbs with Trump’s DNA were plastic-bagged by Bernie Sanders, who loves cookies and hopes that all people will get free cookies some day. Watch out for future tweets that Obama ate the cookie, that Persians threatened the cookie, or that even Queens should not get to choose which cookie they have to eat. The real question should be, who is hoarding the cookies?
When asked to denounce anti-semitism, Trump boasted that he loved cookies more than anyone else, which given the neo-Hamans in his midst was tragically insufficient.
The SCOTUS may rule on who ate the cookie, but when either of the cookie fighters’ names was spoken, the noisemakers drowned them out.
