The Vice President formerly known as Mike Pence, now Michelle, has shocked the world by joining the legion of Hillary Clinton followers organized as the “Pantsuit Nation”. Dashing hopes her change in gender would aid pro-choice and LGBTQ justice, Pence is following the lead of Milo Yiannopoulos in condemning the very population to which she belongs. Ironically, the administration still plans on reducing transgender rights at schools, “Unless fake news forces Pence to actually change his gender, which has happened as correctly misreported.”
But policy considerations are far from the daily cares of the tight-knit, TV dinner eating family that has formed in the White House. With Melania housed in NYC, Whitehouse Spokesman Spicer revealed in a leaked email that, “The guys were getting lonely for female companionship. With Mike now Michelle, the POTUS and VPOTUS have reached a new level of collaboration and eat pizza often. Pence now and then has to draw the line on where the President grabs her, but sexual harassment has been decreed mandatory by edict.” Trump tweeted, “Playing golf together, 18 holes, Mar a Lago lost weekends, tremendous. Obama/Biden never this close. Losers.”
The Trump Administration unveiled their strategy at a meeting featuring a speech by David Duke, which was purported by them to be “in no way racist”. The party of the hood seeks to commandeer the debate over LGBTQ rights, women’s rights, #blackLivesMatter, the prison system, etc., by parading fringe conservatives such as Milo and Ben Carson, and now Pence, as token members of any group in question.
When Milo was discredited due to his position on pedophilia and sexual abuse, Vice President Pence seized the opportunity to fly to France and take advantage of their universal health care, where his (now her) “mentor” apparently personally oversaw the complex, high-speed, champagne fueled surgical romp. More details are forthcoming regarding the mysterious woman who calls Pence her “Protégé” as revealed in a leaked tweet of a hacked email, descrambled from a voicemail message left by the Russian Ambassador just before his untimely demise.
Bannon growled from the bone bunker once inhabited by Dick Cheney, “It’s great to have a Michelle in the White House again.”
