If you want to screw with the People’s Climate March in DC this Saturday, April 29th, listen to the man who has been called “the most dangerous Secretary of State” this country has ever seen, Rex Tillerson.
With flying cars soon available to the public, watch for Rex and a surprise guest flying over the March. Rex says, “We’re excited about energy-hogging technologies that increase emissions, are dangerous and distracting. We’re showcasing Flying cars in our ‘Fifty Ways to Destroy the Planet’ airshow.”
Wear your Man Hat
Rex says, “The women set the bar high at the Women’s March on Washington and similar events with there hats which crudely celebrated lady parts. Men, and women if you will, let’s one-up them with Man Hats.
Proudly wear your Petroleum-based trojan-hat, be Oil-Positive. Quickly comes down to protect your face in case you need to kiss anyone germ free, or for gas attacks, you healthcare-less fools.”
Stop Divestment with “Solar Cards”
Rex confided, “We’re gonna reel these Eco-Fascists back into the billfold with a “solar power” credit card toy. When they’re high on a spliff, as they call it, give them the toy when they are about to close their bank account. Just say it keeps your money warm or some such. Remember Standing Rock — we can’t let them get close to stopping pipelines. This toy will keep ’em with Bank of America, Chase, and the like. ”
Where to Stay
Rex recommends, “D.C.’s Trump Hotel and Coal Refinery is the place to laugh manically with the elite. That cough from chemicals and coal dust is the price of winning. Trump hotels offer all the impersonality of a major-chain hotel with the reek of fascism in every room, for a price only the Russian mafia can afford.”
“Plus, you get a complimentary grab to the groin at their factory-farmed sausage in a petroleum gravy. Nothing says screw the planet like the synthetic discomfort of Trump Hotel. Pharmaceutical mini-bar contains “Adolf’s Own” regimen of methamphetamine and pain killers, bunker style.”
Don’t Get a ‘Foggy Bottom’ 
“A Bunch of farting, filthy, half-naked Hippies. Avoid the Climate Mobilization organization at all costs — their language is obvious. Reducing Emissions? They recently met at Foggy-Bottom Subway stop in DC, but certainly not for an “activist training” as they claim.”
“Foggy-Bottom must be some kind of gender-bending, bean eating slang for I don’t know what kind of satanic, nude abominations (Obama-nations?!). Why are these subway riders not wearing any pants? That man has taken a police cone in the anus, and worse yet is riding a bicycle. The hypocrites say they fight global warming when they cause foggy Emissions with that vegetarian bean food and who-knows-what.”
