by JONAH BAKER
President Trump just pulled the United States out of the historic Paris Climate Agreement, siting pressure from the Koch Brothers and a desire to live in a hellish world where he can golf in vast lifeless deserts. And blow things up to maintain power over dwindling water resources, while wearing the latest post-punk burning man fashions.
The apocalypse will be starring an Exxon-CEO riding a motorcycle, a film-producing treasurer set to deregulate the banks, an EPA head who denies global warming exists, and a giant toad with a toupee. After the announcement, Trump actually turned into a giant poisonous toad, and will be forced to live out his existence struggling for habitat in an unnamed Amazonian Jungle patch.
Rex Tillerson stars as the insane Secretary of Stark-Raving-Madness, serving up Russian oil interests and sending the rockets flying. Did you know the Mnuchin actually funded the film upon which this was based?
To top it off, they’re buying all the toys for the Pentagon to make this an explosive denouement for the human race. Make sure and get ring side seats well inland after the Paris accords are burned.
